I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Be still, my beating vagina.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
