the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
