chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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