I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
