everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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