thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
