all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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