i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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