I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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