Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
