hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
