I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
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His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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