So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
