bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
