the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
