fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
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There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
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I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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