my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
