i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
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Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
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I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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