Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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