Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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