final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
