I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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