Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
