Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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