He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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