"it" just moved
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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