and next time when you feel me up, do it right
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
