No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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