If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
