phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
