I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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