fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
