mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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