where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
wakey wakey hands off snakey
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
