ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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