Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
