i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
