remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
