One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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