I think my vagina is haunted
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
