I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
