my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
