I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
