just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
