Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
