I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
