I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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