And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
