Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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