no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
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Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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