Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize