I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
