hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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