My liver just broke up with me...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
