Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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