i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
