You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
