you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
