Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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