in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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