I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
