I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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