I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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