Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
