My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
