It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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