You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
