Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
