im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
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See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
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My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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