Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I came so hard my ears popped.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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