the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
In America we eat man semen.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Still dying that you shit outside
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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