i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
