She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
