i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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