Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
