i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
