Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
