i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
