I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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